I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize