Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
