I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
