ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
