Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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