Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Holy sore nipples Batman
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
