drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
