just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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