Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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