Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
