I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I am morally bankrupt
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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