My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish you could order shots online.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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