So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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