i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
