Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The struggles of a small town man whore
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