I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
