dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
