I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
