you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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