i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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