So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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