hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The adults are the big ones right?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
