If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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