So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
