That's intense
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
