I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
