p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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