I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Randomize
