I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
