ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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