AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
