She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im holly from the hills drunk
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We need to get me chipped asap
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