Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The air was thick with penises
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize