shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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