I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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