she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
