you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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