Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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