dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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