if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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