If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
