I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
