shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
