I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
