I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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