I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize