you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
