And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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