He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
