Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
