I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
