In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
