my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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