I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
