My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just found puke in my bra..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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