his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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