My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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