i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
