I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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