new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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