just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
