I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
