Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You are the jesus of drinking
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
