i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just pee glitter
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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