are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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