My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
