just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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