something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
