in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
