everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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