Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
