Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
