We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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