fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
