Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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