I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
