next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
