tell your sister to shave her snatch
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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