wanna go halves on a baby?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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