Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
