i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she peed on how many people?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
