i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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