he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ladies don't puke and tell
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
