Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
