Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I need to align my fucking chakras
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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