You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
