You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
